Who are you giving your power to?
- Rachel Kasa
- Sep 3
- 2 min read
This is a tough one. When we set boundaries, we're defining what we want and need. And if that's not part of our make up, it can be tough. At work, what I often see is the "should". Someone "should" have acted in a certain way. Someone else "shouldn't" have spoken to me like that. But how do they know if you haven't made your wants and needs clear?
Joe Sanok, (HBR, April 15, 2022): If we’re not deciding our lives, schedules, and workloads, who is? Boundaries allow us to decide when, how, and if we give this power away. A good call Joe.
Are all boundaries the same? How about hard and soft? Joe Sanok again:
Hard boundaries (non-negotiables): You're unwilling to compromise at all. What are yours? One of mine is never to work on Saturdays. I love my Friday nights and sleep ins on Saturday mornings. So even if I'm really pushed, Saturday's out for me. A second is not to travel on early flights for a 9am workshop start out of Wellington, where I'm based. I either go up the night before or start later in the day.
Soft boundaries (aspirations): These are things you're willing to compromise on and negotiate about. As a team, we have soft boundaries about who does what work. We're flexible and don't compete, create tensions and hard boundaries.
I think it's best to start with the hard boundaries. What are your top three work-related priorities that need boundaries? (I always go for three; we remember three far better.) Then tackle one first. How?
Depends of course.
If it's about how you behave, then create the habit and ask someone to hold you accountable. Example: I will have a lunch break out of the office every day and not accept meetings between 12.30pm and 1.30pm. If it's a habit about how others should treat you, then communicate it respectfully. Example: I need to prioritise my children, so I won't be able to attend 8am meetings in the future. Can we agree a more family-friendly time?
So think about your hard and soft boundaries and experiment. And remember: the boundaries you set are about who you give your power to.