The art of conversation

Since we're talking about conversations, it was great to see that David Robson created an entire chapter called The Art of Conversation in his book The Laws of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Will Transform Your Life. 

Robson's book is useful and fascinating full stop. And, he adds two very quick, helpful sections to the end of each chapter, summing up:

1. What you need to know, and

2. Action points.

But he also discusses a large amount of scientific studies and research that speaks directly to some of our conversation and connection killers. A big one for many of us? The practice of what Dobson calls phubbing - phone snubbing. He says "this is the act of constantly interrupting a conversation to check your smartphone for new notifications - and it damages rapport."

And just because you're super social and extroverted does NOT mean people perceive that you are a great conversationalist. If anything, it's the opposite: "in a series of studies at Stanford University, people showing high levels of extroversion were consistently seen as less attentive conversation partners." 

So what CAN we do? 

Dobson has plenty of amazing recommendations, like using Arthur Aron's 36 questions that bring people closer together. And, if you don't have much time, you can check out the end of the chapter for his quick conversation ideas and tips. They include points like:

• "Asking relevant questions and showing signs of careful listening are two of the easiest ways to build connection."

• "Be compassionate when you find that you are bored of a conversation and ask yourself what you can do to help the other person to express the main point of interest and the reasons that the subject matters so much to them."

There is so much we can do to foster more meaningful, deep connections through our conversations.