Confidence Is Built the Hard Way

The most annoying thing I've learned in all of my work on confidence building is this:

Confidence is built by doing hard things. 

You can't get around it. You can't talk yourself up and THEN attempt huge, big scary stuff (although yes, self-talk is important). You can't rely solely on your knowledge or skills or past or connections.

Eventually, you will have to take a deep breath and do the big thing. And what happens then is that you realise that you survived. And, maybe even did a good job. And, maybe even enjoyed yourself because stretch and challenge can feel amazing. 

That's how we build confidence. Doing hard things. Rinse and repeat. 

So when I was wandering around Whitcoulls and saw a book called We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions, I got excited. Authors Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle have compiled the advice of a huge array of experts, psychologists, sports figures, and more to answer questions including:

• Why am I like this?

• How do I know what to do?

• How do I do the hard thing?

• How do I get unstuck?

  
  

It's an incredibly easy but powerful read, and speaks a great deal to how we live our lives, confidently. Or, even more importantly, how we live our lives when we don't feel confident at all. 

Now, let's talk about how this affects us in our mahi.

Our confidence is put to the test at work alllllll the time. It's public. We're being evaluated. Mistakes are catalogued, and often brought up later (especially in remuneration conversations). This is real stuff: promotions, pay, reputations, influence. 

All this weight can cause us to pause, and not move at all. We go into a freeze state, because the consequences are indeed big. 

But feeling ready or steady or prepared isn't what makes confidence. Especially at work, confidence is built by doing hard things. Even with your doubt and nerves.

There are tons of tools to help with this, though. This Psychology Today article has a super accessible list of ideas to help build our confidence at work. And the We Can Do Hard Things book is lovely and useful as well, helping to hone a mindset with positive self-talk and heaps of self-trust and self-advocacy. 

Yes, I will say it again: confidence is built by doing the hard things. But that doesn't mean we should white-knuckle through it. Rather, let's gather as many positive, constructive ideas on how we can support one another to do those hard things. And confidently grow together.