Challenging conversations take courage

Courage is a big idea, and it's daunting. And challenging conversations take courage. I was mindful to go back quite a few years - 2013 to be exact - and find the best thing I've read about courage. 

And it's relevant to finding the courage to say what you need to say to someone and hold that all-important conversation.

Kouzes and Posner, Finding the courage to lead, 2013, is the go-to I'm talking about. Why? They researched courage and asked people when they were courageous. And it's not about superhuman feats; it's everyday acts and everyday conversations. 

Going way back, Socrates and Aristotle talked about a courage sliding scale between foolhardiness and cowardice. Our best place is somewhere in the middle. And it's not about being fearless. We need to wilfully cross our limits, often our self-limiting beliefs, to speak up, say what we need to say and no doubt feel uncomfortable in that moment of courage. (You don't need to be courageous every minute of every day, just in the moment.) 

Let's cut to the chase. If you're thinking about having a challenging conversation check yourself against these criteria. Based on Kouzes and Posner, they're when people called upon their courage. So what about us?

Can we have challenging conversations in moments of courage when we:

1. care deeply about the conversation

2. face a challenge 

3. are fearful and feel challenged, but have enough personal initiative to push through

4. suffer in the process

5. stay hopeful

6. are transformed as a result. 

This last point is valuable. Challenging conversations can be generative; those having them see a new reality and a new understanding of the world.

Lastly, it's useful to think about when we last felt courageous and acted on it. It's probably an everyday issue. So now, the challenge (that word again) is to transfer that to the next challenging conversation you need to have.